Journal Prompts for Anxiety Around Dating and Relationships

• 1. Write about a person who meant a lot to you in the past. What made them special was their kindness, caring, intelligence…
• 2. Write about the first time somebody made you feel really happy. What did he/she do? Why was it important? How did it make you feel?
• 3. Write about the last time someone treated you badly. Describe what happened. Did it hurt? Explain why. Was there any reason behind what happened? What could you have done differently?
• 4. Write about the most difficult thing you had to face. How did it make you strong? How did it bring light into your life?
• 5. Write about a time when you felt like everything was going wrong. Tell me how that turned out. Why were things not working? Were they working at the end?
• 6. Write about a childhood memory that has stuck with you. What does it mean to you now? Was it funny? Sad? Scary?
• 7. Write about the worst day of your life. Go back and think about why this particular event became such a big deal for you. Who helped you remember it? What were you feeling as you wrote down everything about it?
• 8. Write about a memory that brings you joy. It doesn’t have to be a happy one. Describe it. What makes it joyful? Why is it important? Is it still significant today?
• 9. Write about the most positive experience in your life right now. If you’re single, describe a romantic date. If you are in a relationship, talk about your best moment together.
• 10. Talk about the future and dream about your ideal life. Would it involve travel? More money? Kids? A new job? An apartment? What would it look like? Could you see yourself living in that place? If not, why not?
• 11. Think about your favorite people in your life. What makes them special? Can you imagine a world where none of them existed? Where would you go without your friends, family members, partner, siblings…?
• 12. Have you ever been told you should be grateful? I’ve been given some good advice before – maybe you’ve experienced it too. Do you agree with it? Explain why. Is it helpful to know these things? What if we lived our lives based on this kind of philosophy?
• 13. Think about a few words that people may use to describe you. Are they true? False? Choose three words and explain them.
• 14. Look back on your life and find something you regret. What caused you to regret it? Does it matter anymore? Why or why not?
• 15. Use a different way to say goodbye than “goodbye. When exactly will you leave? Will it be forever? Will you come back? Make a list of reasons why you should stay away. What is the best way to stay connected?
• 16. Write about something you want to get over. Now look back at the situation and identify which parts of it bother you the most. Which bits seem impossible to overcome? Tell yourself why. What can you do to help yourself?
• 17. Ask yourself: What’s my biggest fear? What happens if you don’t meet this fear? How will you feel? What could you do instead?
• 18. What are your top 3 fears about dating? Why do they scare you so much? Does anxiety around getting into relationships play a role in your fear?
• 19. Write about a person who made you uncomfortable but yet you couldn’t stop thinking about him/her. Why wasn’t it easy to shake off their company? How long did it take?
• 20. Think about a time when you faced an unpleasant situation. What did you learn from the experience? How did it change you? Has anything changed since then?
• 21. Think about someone you’d really love to meet. What would you tell them? What if you had to start talking with them? Give us the conversation.
• 22. Name your first crush. Was he/she someone you knew personally? Were you attracted to his/her personality more than appearance?
• 23. Think about someone who never got the chance to make a move. Maybe he/she was stuck in a bad relationship or just didn’t feel confident enough. Describe how you felt when you watched this person. What did you wish you could say to help him/her feel better?
• 24. Remember a time when you were excited about a potential romantic interest. What happened next? Did you end up meeting up as planned? If yes, talk about what you learned from it.
• 25. Think about a relationship you haven’t had. Whose side are you on? Tell us what you think about your own experiences. Why do you believe they ended the way they did?
• 26. Consider all of your current relationships. In what ways are they the same as other relationships you recall having? In what ways are they different? Why does this difference matter to you?
• 27. Write down everything you’re thankful for. Now write down everything you’re feeling guilty or unhappy about. How much do they overlap? Can any of these guilt feelings be justified?
• 28. What do you like least about a typical day? Why do you dislike this particular aspect of your routine? Could doing things differently improve your quality of life?
• 29. When you hear the word “love”, what emotion comes to mind? Share your thoughts. Do you have trouble defining “true” love?
• 30. Why do you think relationships end? What causes you to lose hope? How does this affect your daily life?
• 31. Have you ever been in a relationship that lasted less than a month? What went wrong? What did you do to salvage your connection?
• 32. Think of a date you’ve regretted. Wasn’t it fun? What didn’t work out? Why aren’t you still together? What would make you want to go out again?
• 33. Think of a relationship that was good while it lasted. What did you appreciate about it? Why did it last as long as it did?
• 34. List three qualities you’re looking for in a partner. How can you know whether a person has those traits?
• 35. Imagine yourself ten years into your future marriage. What do you imagine will be happening between you and your spouse? Are there differences in your outlook now compared to before you married?
• 36. Think about an argument you had recently. What was going through your head when you argued? Is there something important you could have said instead of blurting out words that hurt others?
• 37. How often do you feel anxious in social situations (e.g., school cafeteria)? Explain why this happens. What helps you cope in tense moments?
• 38. Think back to a time when you struggled with an issue related to dating. What advice would you give yourself today? Why is this piece of advice useful?
• 39. How can you use your past experience to positively guide your future relationships?
• 40. Who is the most attractive person you know? Describe your ideal mate. In what ways are you similar and different from this person? Who else would you consider your equal?
• 41. Think back to one or two people you dated seriously for several months or longer. Which ones worked well? Which ones didn’t? Why?
• 42. How well do you understand your parents’ expectations for you in terms of gender roles, relationships, etc.? What effects might this expectation have on your aspirations?
• 43. If there were no limitations regarding who you could date, how would you choose a romantic interest? Where would you look for someone compatible? Why wouldn’t every single person meet your criteria?
• 44. Read a few lines from a popular romance novel. How close do they reflect reality? What changes if a real-world couple lives up to some aspects of these stories but not others?
• 45. What are you hoping for from your next romantic encounter? What obstacles stand in the way of achieving your goals?
• 46. Think about someone to whom you feel attracted. Do their actions match what you desire in a partner? Why or why not? What kind of behavior indicates attraction?
• 47. Name the most significant thing you learned about yourself in your current relationship. Compare your attitudes toward this information before and after meeting this special someone.
• 48. Choose a topic you’d like to discuss with your partner. Write down the things you would say if you met him/her face to face. Now write down the things you would tell him/her over email.
• 49. Share any thoughts you have on “coming out” to your friends. What are your fears? How are you feeling? What does being open about your feelings mean to you? What would you need to tell your loved ones in order to come out?
• 50. How can you find comfort during times of loneliness?
• 51. What do you want to accomplish within the first year of a new relationship? How could you keep your sense of purpose alive?
• 52. If you were given a second chance at life and asked to change something, what would it be?
• 53. Consider what other challenges you may face in life. Can you identify any areas in which you need more support?
• 54. Are there any topics that bother you? How can you address them without hurting others?
• 55. How well do you think your current romantic partner understands you? What does he or she misunderstand about you? What can you do so that your communication improves in this area?
• 56. Describe five reasons why you don’t believe you should marry your current partner. What are your fears based upon? How could you overcome those fears?
• 57. How important is it to you that your current partner get along with his or her family? Discuss each aspect of this question separately.
• 58. Have your hopes changed since you began dating? What did you expect in your relationship when you started out? Is anything surprising?
• 59. What do you value most about your personality? What do others notice immediately? What characteristics have you struggled to control? Why was such self-control necessary?
• 60. Has anyone ever told you that you’re too sensitive? Explain.
• 61. Write a letter to your ideal future spouse using only one word (i.e., words describing your ideal mate). Include three adjectives that best describe him or her. What role does faith play in your choice?
• 62. The number one emotion people experience when starting relationships is fear—of both themselves and of what might happen. When you read through the following list, select one item from each group and create an “emotional journal.” List all of your worries about having a successful relationship.
• 63. Try to imagine your next date. What does he look like? Where do they go? What do they talk about? Does he seem happy, sad, angry, nervous, etc.? What will he do?
• 64. Think back over time. Do you remember how a relationship seemed to start? What happened between you two? Were there signs that led up to a real connection? Or was it a series of events that just didn’t work out?
• 65. What are some small changes you could make in your daily behavior that would show your partner? What kind of impression would these changes create? In what way would this change affect their perception of you?
• 66. How does being single affect your outlook? Is it possible to be happy even though you are not in a committed relationship?
• 67. Have you ever dated someone who had a lot of baggage? Was this person’s past the reason you decided to avoid getting involved? Would you still consider dating this individual if you knew about all of his problems?
• 68. What do you most admire about your partner? What makes him or her unique? What strengths and weaknesses does your partner have?
• 69. Have you ever been hurt by a partner’s bad decisions? Which ones stick out in your memory? Was this pain worth enduring?
• 70. Have you ever made yourself vulnerable to another person? If you have, explain why you felt this was necessary. Did the other person respect you enough to take advantage of your openness? Why or why not?
• 71. Have you ever found yourself wondering why certain people aren’t interested in you? Have you ever wondered whether there was something special about you that caused them to pass on you as potential romantic interest?
• 72. What do you think attracts people to one another? Do you find it easy to judge people? Are certain qualities more attractive than others?
• 73. What do you feel is missing from many relationships today? Is it love? Sex? Money? Fun? Friendship? Companionship? Security?
• 74. What do you hope marriage will bring you? Discuss each element of this question separately. What expectations do you hold for your future spouse?
• 75. If you weren’t worried about making mistakes with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, what would you be doing right now?
• 76. Share a personal story where you and another person ended up learning valuable lessons. Describe the incident and explain how it impacted your life.
• 77. Do you tend to fall in love fast or slow? Explain.
• 78. How much do you believe in love at first sight? If you’ve experienced it, describe the feeling.
• 79. When considering a new mate, what do you want to know before committing? For example, can he or she give you emotional support? Are they willing to share secrets with you?
• 80. What is your ideal relationship type: long-term, short-term, committed, casual? Why?
• 81. After reading this chapter, what questions do you have about men and women? About love? About commitment? About romance?
• 82. Can you imagine the ideal relationship? Does it include children? Family? Friends? Partying? Travel? Other activities?
• 83. Share three things you plan to work on in your next relationship.
• 84. What are your feelings toward commitment? How has being single affected your views of this concept?
• 85. Tell me how you feel right now. Share what you’re thinking, feeling, dreaming, worrying about… about love, dating, and relationships.
• 86. What kind of relationship do you hope you have someday? With whom? Now?
• 87. In what ways are you attracted to your current partner? In what ways do you find him or her unattractive?
• 88. Do you believe that a good relationship requires understanding? Give an example of a time when you learned something through the process of compromise. Was this painful? How so?
• 89. Does having a strong faith play a role in your ability to make healthy choices regarding relationships? If so, talk about your faith.
• 90. Which aspects of dating and relationships concern you most? Talk about any concerns you currently have about them.
• 91. Have you had bad experiences with friends who became lovers? You may wish to reflect upon this experience.
• 92. Has anyone ever tried to get back together with someone after breaking up? What did you learn from that experience?
• 93. Write down five characteristics that you don’t care for, but need not be present in a potential relationship. Talk about your reasons.
• 94. As you consider possible dates with other people, think about which ones you’d like to see more than others.
• 95. Have you ever dated a man or woman who was abusive or controlling? How has their behavior been different from previous partners?
• 96. What sort of relationship do you prefer for yourself? Explain why.
• 97. Have you ever broken off a healthy relationship because one of the participants wanted more than you were prepared to offer? Explain.
• 98. Think about the quality of your past and current romantic relationships. Were there times where you felt insecure or scared? Did you trust anyone enough to tell them about these fears?
• 99. What qualities would you look for in a person with whom you’d like to form a committed relationship? Explain.
• 100. How do you define success in a future romantic relationship?

Conclusion

I hope that these writing prompts have helped you to avoid unhealthy relationship, as well as cultivating the type of relationship goals that you want.

Best of luck!